Meet the R4R Runners: Revisited!
We started the Meet the R4R Runners in November 2021, and since then we’ve met more than 70 people, including special guests and other communities. This week, we decided to revisit our first meet the R4R runners to get a pulse-check on how things have changed, spice up the rag somewhat, and introduce our special guests for tonight’s run. The first Meet the R4R Runner was none other than
, the co-founder of Running for Resilience.R4R has been an unbelievably positive force in my life and it’s largely due to the friendships that have formed through it. Benny A is a great mate who’s made me a better person and he’s got a great outlook on resilience and life in general. R4R might be nothing without Benny A and it certainly wouldn’t be the same. So, without further ado, let’s meet the great man… again….
You've been an integral part of R4R since the get-go. What is your highlight since we started almost 4 years ago?
Without a doubt, it's been the vulnerability shared in the rag each week.
I think platforms like Instagram have this way of making us only share our highlights. And when everyone’s s doing that, it can make you feel pretty alone if you’re going through something tough.
It’s been so refreshing to read about other people's toughest times, and I feel more connected to those people who’ve been open. We’ve had people share everything from divorces to eating disorders, and even a suicide attempt. It's been such a weight off my shoulders to know that I'm not the only one who's been through a tough time.
The city2surf trip last year was pretty epic too.
City 2 Surf
Tickets for the Running 4 Resilience road trip to the City2Surf are selling fast! It’s a great day with great people, and the cost will be $120, including the bus trip, recovery session, and lunch (race entry and drinks aren’t included).
One of the reasons I reached out to you to get R4R going was because of your views on Exercise and Community... can you elaborate on what it means to you and other communities you've been a part of?
Everyone knows how good exercise is for our physical and mental health. But recently I read a report from the US Surgeon General that said being lonely is as bad for your health as smoking 15 cigarettes a day! And prior to R4R, I was really lonely.
I was working alone and most of my mates from Brumbies have left Canberra.
But what helped me most has been exercising with other people as often as possible, as the double dose of endorphins and oxytocin always lifts my spirits. And I still really struggle to exercise alone. But thanks to R4R, Parkrun, and the Tuesday Trotters, I never have to.
You’re pretty open about your struggles, and one of the things you’ve mentioned is that you took the loss to the British and Irish Lions in 2013 pretty hard. Can you elaborate on that and are there any lessons you've learned since then that you wish you knew?
The main lesson I learned from that loss is that having your whole identity defined by what you do for work is a recipe for disaster.
My whole identity had become "Ben the footballer", and when my work didn't go well (I got sent off in the biggest match of my life in front of hundreds of millions of people) my self-esteem evaporated and took me years to get over it.
In fact, it wasn't until a Friday R4R with you Breeny, where I finally opened up to someone about it, that I started to recover.
It was such a dream to be a part of that historic series, and to have it go pear-shaped in the decider was the only time I've experienced trauma.
I know it's just a game and people have it much worse off, but to have a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity slip through my hands after so much hard work, and to be humiliated in front of all those people was traumatic for me.
And until that run with you mate, I carried a lot of shame describing it as that. But you made me feel ok about it, despite the fact you've experienced real trauma with the loss of your parents.
And I now realise that going through that loss has been a great learning opportunity for me. Allowing my work to be the only thing I was proud of made me so fragile, and now I no longer purely define myself by what I do for work.
Continuing the learning journey, in the Meet the Runners Rag number 1, you defined resilience as "doing what's right, even if you don't feel like it". Do you still believe that? Would you offer any other definitions now?
My original definition I think is a good description of what resilience looks like. But after 2 years of reading everyone else's definition, I've concluded that resilience is "the strength you draw from others”.
It's the energy and support you get from the communities and teams you're a part of when times are tough.
No one bounces back all on their own, and I think society needs to view resilience as a group thing, not an individual character trait.
If someone is labelled as "unresilient", I think we need to start asking ourselves "What social connections is that person missing?” and why aren't they getting support from those around them?
Viewing resilience in this way was again highlighted to me in an interview with Jayson Tatum after the Boston Celtics won an epic game six on Sunday. Asked how the team has bounced back from being 3-0 down, Tatum said we are a "resilient team”, not “We are a team of resilient individuals”.
The basketball world was putting the boot into them after they lost 3 games on the trot. But the togetherness that group has shown when their backs were against the wall, has (at the time of writing) helped them bounce back to win 3 games in a row, and 1 win away from making basketball history.
I want to be in communities like that.
And lastly, what does the R4R community mean to you? And, how do you think we can achieve our goal of making Canberra Suicide-Free by 2033
We achieve it by doing 2 things:
We keep making it easier for more people to exercise with others regularly and;
We keep sharing our struggles. I don't think you really get to know someone until you understand the tough times they've faced. And what I've learned the most from the R4R community is that everyone's been through really hard stuff, or they're going through it now.
Realising that made me feel a lot better about my own struggles, and it’s been refreshing to know that it's normal to have tough times, and there’s no reason to feel embarrassed about it. Therefore there’s no reason not to ask for help.
Great read Benny. Thank you.
Tonight’s Special Guests
Benny A has done R4R another solid and pulled some strings to get some other Brumby greats to attend R4R tonight! The Brumbies are a couple of weeks away from the Super Rugby Pacific Finals, and it will be great to have their presence at tonight’s run.
R4R Around the Grounds
Another massive turnout for the R4R community at last weekend’s Park Run… we’ll keep saying it, because it’s true… Park Run is a great way to kick off your weekend, and if you want to know where your closest one is, click here.
City 2 Surf (Just in case you missed it)
Tickets for the Running 4 Resilience road trip to the City2Surf are selling fast! It’s a great day with great people, and the cost will be $120, including the bus trip, recovery session, and lunch (race entry and drinks aren’t included). If you have any questions, please email Benny A by clicking here
"I think platforms like Instagram have this way of making us only share our highlights."
"Realising that made me feel a lot better about my own struggles, and it’s been refreshing to know that it's normal to have tough times, and there’s no reason to feel embarrassed about it. Therefore there’s no reason not to ask for help."
I love the premise of these two points. The internet is not reality. It's a highlight reel of peoples lives. Don't be fooled into thinking that's the way people live or the way people should live, put simply, it's bullshit.
Normalising struggle is essential. I think we live in a world where people think we shouldn't struggle or we shouldn't have to go through tough times. That's the wrong attitude. It doesn't matter who you are, you will face tough times. They are what make us who we are. I think they key is to equip ourselves with the best set of tools we can to handle those tough times. I think those of us who struggle the most aren't necesarrily the ones going through the toughest times, rather the ones who have the least amount of quality tools to handle them.
I also like your realisation about being sent off against The Lions. Trauma is trauma and the brain can't distinguish between what society see's as worthy of the label and what it doesn't. Trauma is trauma and it is relevant to whatever we value. The more understanding people are of this the more comfortable people will be to talk about their traumas, whether they see them as significant enough or not.