I believe the main reason parents can’t let kids do things on their own is because the parents are stressed out. The world is safer than ever, but parents can’t handle the stress of letting kids out.
Absolutely they’d be less tired if their kids were independent. But many parents are stuck in the vicious tired/stressed cycle, and I’m not sure which one is the cause.
I think there is too much focus on the bad things that could happen than on the growth that occurs from allowing children to make their own choices. it can be as simple as when my nephew asked me to show him how to fold his socks, he was pretty proud of himself when he did it. Children like autonomy just as much as adults and if we don't want them to do something then we need to be able to provide a rationale to them about why they can't. Because i'm the parent and I said so, will not fly.
I think helicopter parenting is the projection of the parents own insecurities onto their children and that these parents have some inner work to do.
I don't think enough of us are aware or willing to do the inner work on ourselves.
Our current society is burning us out. We are working more hours, the cost of living is high so people are stressed about having to work more to pay their bills and support their children. it doesn't help that a lot of schools require kids to have devices for their learning. But we've learnt that kids are happy on devices and if the child is happy the parent can relax or get dinner cooked. We live in a rat race, so instead of collaborating and asking the child/ren to be part of the dinner making process and spending quality time together (two birds, one stone), the kid gets the device and the parent can cook dinner in half the amount of time. Not that I'm saying kids need to be deprived of it all together. Everything in moderation.
I'm not sure how I feel about the online gaming, my 6 and 9 year old nephews playing against adults and older kids which has resulted in online gaming bullying. Again, education here is key. Give them freedom to explore and make mistakes, and safety because you want them to tell you when something is wrong. I think by restricting kids too much or hiding information from them, we are giving them the message that they can't talk about the topic with you, so they will do it behind your back.
Sorry if this doesn't make sense, it seems to have turned into a longer comment than I anticipated.
Yep! It's like injury prevention in high performance sport or at any level. We can do all the things to not get injured, but still get injured. It's about being able to cope with the situation.
What's happening to our kids is they are losing the ability to problem solve and think critically because we don't give them the freedom and space to explore and figure stuff out for themselves. This will affect them long term, because they will ask people to solve their problems everytime there is one.
As care givers of children, we instinctively want to fix it for them, take away their pain when we need to be more of a sound board for them and a guide and ask them what they think the solution is.
I believe the main reason parents can’t let kids do things on their own is because the parents are stressed out. The world is safer than ever, but parents can’t handle the stress of letting kids out.
Are they stressed out because they’re tired? Would they be less tired if their kids would be more independent?
Absolutely they’d be less tired if their kids were independent. But many parents are stuck in the vicious tired/stressed cycle, and I’m not sure which one is the cause.
I think it's fear that leads to helicopter parenting and stress that leads to screen babysitting
Any ideas on how to break the cycle?
Education and awareness I think.
Parents like all people need to feel supported.
I think there is too much focus on the bad things that could happen than on the growth that occurs from allowing children to make their own choices. it can be as simple as when my nephew asked me to show him how to fold his socks, he was pretty proud of himself when he did it. Children like autonomy just as much as adults and if we don't want them to do something then we need to be able to provide a rationale to them about why they can't. Because i'm the parent and I said so, will not fly.
I think helicopter parenting is the projection of the parents own insecurities onto their children and that these parents have some inner work to do.
I don't think enough of us are aware or willing to do the inner work on ourselves.
Our current society is burning us out. We are working more hours, the cost of living is high so people are stressed about having to work more to pay their bills and support their children. it doesn't help that a lot of schools require kids to have devices for their learning. But we've learnt that kids are happy on devices and if the child is happy the parent can relax or get dinner cooked. We live in a rat race, so instead of collaborating and asking the child/ren to be part of the dinner making process and spending quality time together (two birds, one stone), the kid gets the device and the parent can cook dinner in half the amount of time. Not that I'm saying kids need to be deprived of it all together. Everything in moderation.
I'm not sure how I feel about the online gaming, my 6 and 9 year old nephews playing against adults and older kids which has resulted in online gaming bullying. Again, education here is key. Give them freedom to explore and make mistakes, and safety because you want them to tell you when something is wrong. I think by restricting kids too much or hiding information from them, we are giving them the message that they can't talk about the topic with you, so they will do it behind your back.
Sorry if this doesn't make sense, it seems to have turned into a longer comment than I anticipated.
Makes sense to me and it's an insightful response!
I agree. Generally, education to 'prepare for' and 'cope with' risks is better than activities designed to eliminate all risks.
There's a line on entirely preventable and unnecessary risks but it's often not where we draw it.
Yep! It's like injury prevention in high performance sport or at any level. We can do all the things to not get injured, but still get injured. It's about being able to cope with the situation.
What's happening to our kids is they are losing the ability to problem solve and think critically because we don't give them the freedom and space to explore and figure stuff out for themselves. This will affect them long term, because they will ask people to solve their problems everytime there is one.
As care givers of children, we instinctively want to fix it for them, take away their pain when we need to be more of a sound board for them and a guide and ask them what they think the solution is.
This was delivered to my inbox this morning. :)
https://raisedgood.com/smartphones-kids-and-inconvenient-truths-what-parents-need-to-know/