Is it safer swimming within the flags?
A guest article from Murray B.
The R4R Podcast shines a light on our community. Hosts, guests, and stories from our community, for our community. Episode Two saw Benny A sit down with Rich Peil and this Friday, we’ve got another cracking conversion being released.
Before we get started…
Is it safer swimming within the flags?
A guest article from Murray B.
*** Trigger warning this blog talks about suicide, mental health and supporting others. It provides a personal rather than a professional perspective afforded by a certified mental health professional. ***
When it comes to the beach it’s easy to answer the question.- is it safer swimming within the flags? Of course, invariably it’s much safer to swim within the red and yellow flags set up on the safest stretch of the beach and closely monitored by the clubbies.
When it comes to mental health and suicide I’d like to ponder some logic around red flags (someone telling you they are thinking of taking their life) and yellow flags (someone demonstrating symptoms which could point to the possibility that they are thinking of taking their life).
I’ve recently listened to the amazing R4R podcast with Rich Peil and Ben Alexander. They discuss the flags displayed by Rich’s closest friend who sadly took his life over 26 years ago. They also discuss symptoms displayed the last time Ben bumped into a former teammate at the Dock a short period before he also took his life just a few years ago.
The lesson they both discuss is the need to check in with our friends when we see such symptoms - whether they are displaying a red flag or a yellow flag. I’d use the following acronym as my sense of what to do when faced with a flag of either colour:
C - care about the person and empathise for their situation
A - ask them how they are doing
L - listen to what the person is prepared to share
L - learn from what they share how you can best support them and encourage them to engage the appropriate professional support/self-help.
But here’s my dilemma and the challenge I had when I listened to the R4R podcast. I have no difficulty with Rich and Ben’s recommendations - they make perfect sense and the more we can individually and collectively break down the barriers when someone displays these flags the better. That’s something I’ve witnessed at R4R over a number of years. In addition, I’m also vigilant in keeping a watch for ‘flags’ at home, at work, on runs & in my family.
The backdrop for me is my personal struggle understanding the complexities of suicide - and let’s face it - not understanding suicide is not something new. The specific question I asked myself nearly 5 years ago when a mate took his life is…
What do you do when there are no flags displayed?
2 1/2 years ago this scenario repeated itself as a former work colleague also took his life. I’d not been as close to him in his final year but in chatting with his close mates none of them could realistically construct any audit trail of ‘flags’ that would give them any pause for thought. Even hindsight couldn’t help them piece together a sense of warning signals that were ‘missed’ or ‘overlooked’ by his closest confidants.
So my question is - what do we do if there are no flags? Does ‘swimming’ around in life looking for flags create a risk? Sadly, some people go to a lot of effort to make everything in their mental health journey appear ‘normal’ and nothing to worry about. You may not even know they are living a difficult & troubling journey. They aren’t raising their hand (going back to the surfing analogy) in any discernible way to make their struggle visible.
So as we as individuals seek to be better mental health allies and to be better able in the R4R community to reduce the incidence of suicide one life at a time - is waiting for ‘flags’ waiting too long? Will we ever be suicide free in the ACT if we spend our time just looking for ‘flags’? As we stroll up to our next R4R run will we be able to pick the person or people most needing of our support? What about in our friendship group, across our extended families, in our workplace or in our sporting team?
The conclusion I’ve drawn, and I’m happy to be challenged on this, is that it’s vital we respond to red and yellow flags. Those overt symbols are not to be disregarded and are often wrapped in a noisy journey (for us and the other person) that often masks those indicators. I also suspect social media channels and WhatsApp/Messenger groups may be perceived as a ‘community’ but can often just increase the noise and enable people who are struggling to hide their personal torment in plain sight.
Equally, it’s important to not solely rely on a form of mental health ‘radar’ to pick the face-in-the-crowd that you perceive is most at risk. I’m convinced we need to be mental health allies to those who aren’t noticeably crying out for help.
So what do we do to be great allies for those who aren’t raising flags. I don’t think we need any different type of response than we do when a person is raising flags. I’d go back to my CALL suggestion - care, ask, listen & learn. When you reflect the great work of ‘R U OK?’ Is a suggestion to do these things. Mental Health First Aid courses recommend their ALGAE acronym - Approch, Listen, Give support & info, Encourage professional support & encourage self-help. My conclusion here is there is a necessity in being proactive rather than being reactive - ask, approach - which ever way you say it is the idea of leaning in rather than waiting.
The thing is CALL, R U OK? Or ALGAE - it doesn’t really matter - there is a huge opportunity for us to support people struggling with their mental health regardless of whether they are raising flags or not. Us reducing the stigma about meaningfully discussing mental health is invaluable. Creating communities that increase the number of productive mental health ‘check-ins’ is also a necessary step in the right direction. Making those communities ‘safe’ mental health forums - yes please. Taking the time to train folks from all walks (with the assistance of professionals) to be better mental health allies - you bet. Why not simplify and speed up access to professional mental health advice - of course.
When you reflect R4R is doing all these things - reducing stigma, creating a community, building safety, training community members and improving professional support access through Menslink and Medicare Mental Health Centre. Looping back to Ben & Rich - they are in no small part behind this rich tapestry of mental health richness being woven in R4R in the ACT - alongside some other incredible vollies - & a challenge like this truly takes a village.
A challenge facing us, on the other hand, however, is that we don’t have a tin ear to those struggling within our community and we aren’t (for whatever reason) prepared to be proactive. Our opportunity is to seek to use each run to lean in, to approach others and to provide support. That’s not to force a discussion or disrespect the other runner’s personal/mental space but to be open to be an ally whether they are raising flags or not.
It’s not easy to get definitive feedback that your check-in has had or is having any impact. In R4R, for example, we don’t know how many lives we’ve saved or our specific contribution to the ACT’s recent declining suicide rate. For what it’s worth, my own conviction is that wrapping a proactive mental health ‘towel’ around someone as a friend and as a community can’t be a bad thing. Let’s also keep an eye out for those swimming outside the flags!!!
Thank you Murray.
If you’ve read this and have something to say or would like to share your story, please email hello@runningforresilience.com
Love the article and I’ve had the same thoughts. I’m wondering however, if we were to just come alongside people, not because we think they might be struggling but because we value them as a fellow human being, would that make a difference? Community, and the need to be part of one is in our DNA but our present world has fractured that and we can be left floundering. Everyone struggles without support but for some it becomes overwhelming and suicide seems like the only option sadly. Maybe, just maybe by simply being there and developing genuine relationships with those we can, lives will be saved and enriched?