A letter to Flora

A guest article from Cam Dyson-Smith

Welcome to the seventh edition of Guest Articles, where we hand the reins of the Rag over to our community. Our community can write about whatever they want, the only requirement is that it strengthens our community or helps us achieve our goal of making Canberra suicide-free.

This week we hear from Cam Dyson-Smith.

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As some of you may know, October is pregnancy and infant loss awareness month. On 25 July 2021, our daughter Flora Joyce Dyson-Smith arrived to this world already an angel. 

There is nothing that could have prepared me for this experience. The feeling of utter helplessness I had watching my wife go through labour knowing that there was no happy ending to it. The lonely walk out of the birthing suite carrying nothing but a box of keepsakes. 

However, a package delivered by the midwife that included a little bear helped me realise we were not alone. The package was from an organisation called Bears of Hope and on it was a tag with a name inscribed.

While I have never met Nora’s parents, this helped me realise that we were not alone, and maybe there is way to keep moving, for each other, and the beautiful children we were so fortunate to already have. The support we have received from the R4R community emphasises this feeling and is something I will forever be grateful for. 

In talking about my experiences I hope I can help others feel not so alone. 

The following is a letter I recently wrote to Flora.

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Dear Flora, 

I miss you. I don’t know how I can, when everything I miss is a projection of who you may have been. But I do. 

I often find myself thinking of you and wondering what you would have been like in this life. The way you would have sounded? The way you would have looked at me? The smiles only you would give? The sort of sister you would have been? The journeys you would have taken and the friendships you made along the way? 

What life would you have led?

I am sorry that I never got to see that smile, or to wipe away your tears. I am sorry that I can’t hear your stories, or sit and cuddle you as you share your dreams. 

I am sorry that I will never get to hold your hand when you are excited or comfort you when you are scared. I am sorry you aren’t here. And I am sorry I am not there for you. 

I will never understand this plan and we will never be the same. You will always be a part of us, as we are of you. You are our daughter and that will never change. 

You are perfect and will always be my little angel. 

I love you now and forever.

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You know something we don’t, your message will resonate with someone we can’t, and your article will set an example for others to follow. Over time, articles from our community will strengthen our connection, build our mental health IQ, and better equip our community to pursue our goal. So, please… If you’d like to write a guest article, please click on the link below… and if you think you’re opinion isn’t worth hearing… with all due respect… you’re wrong.